Nightmare of my dream

7:59 am

I have been asleep for thirty minutes and now I can't go back.

I was in an auditorium waiting to go on stage with a selected partner in front of other actors and directors and a panel of judges. I was so ready and excited and eager. When my name was called I realized I was chewing on gum. Before I went on stage I asked to spit out my gum, so I quickly went to the bathroom and spit out the gum. but it wouldn't come out it was stuck, I finally got it out and more appears so I'm trying to get all of this gum out of my mouth which is stuck in my teeth and it keeps coming. I finally get the last piece out and my tooth comes out with it. now my mouth is filling with blood and I've been worried about taking too long since I walked out of the auditorium. I save the tooth and a paper towel but decides to just throw it away with the rest of the soiled paper towels. This actress that is working on a film set is in the same bathroom as me, she likes me and wants to keep in contact put me with the right people. She was very endearing. The whole panel of directors walks in the bathroom right up to me and says that my "____" will not be tolerated. I tried to explain my tooth came out and showed them my new gap and the lady said your tooth has been out. so I said I can show you the tooth and runs to the garbage can. The panel leaves the bathroom. I started digging to find the bunch of soiled paper towels, which should be on the top but they were no longer there.  I look for the actress so I can give her my number and I can not find her anywhere. Now somebody's portfolio falls right in front of me and I bend over to pick it up. When I stand up a guy is in front of me and tells me it's his portfolio and it was zipped up. he looked at me like I was a thief and tells me he could kill me. I didn't open your portfolio I only tried to pick it up because it fell. he tells me he could kill me because I set the perfect example of what not to do. when I tried to explain he told me this is a master acting class not a community theatre and walked away. I felt so low because I couldn't explain myself no one cared for my reasons, they didn't even believe a word I said. I started sinking into a fetal position wishing I could go home so my boyfriend could hold me and then I realized I didn't have a boyfriend anymore so I just held myself tighter and started to cry.

Today is a busy day for me but I must do it with that little 30 min energizer I got. If you know anything about psychoanalysis you know the blanks and missing parts are the key. There's something there that my unconscious is covering up. I mostly wrote this blog because I know exactly how I felt when I woke up from this dream and I can not explain that in words. That is a feeling I need to keep with me so when I read this again I will know.